paradox

you were right,
It’s cause I luck friends
that I can’t save
myself.

It’s the law of the universe
paying me my past,
the evil that I dwelt in
the dark that I loved.

Its painful being here,
having money that
can’t wipe this tears.

I was happy once,
I had let go off my fears,
now am here,

Drowning in lies and addictions,
I want to go home
but there lays more pain
than here.

I lost my heart
and the one I regarded so dear,
God has come for his payment,
the joys I had yesterday
are today’s ailment.

My success is a mere
fools fulfilment.
I want to ask for help
but the new me is too proud
to admit defeat.

My twin is dead
and my soul won’t let me weep
I need help, comfort,
that human nature
I have constantly fought of.

Am alone again
and poetry adds on to this pain,
I miss me,
before kaffy come
before mwas went,
I miss me, the true self.
I am hurting today,
and no one has
stretched their arms
to lend a whimper of help.

Am dyeing slowly,
Losing life,
suffocating in the success
of kaffy.
™©Mwangi Njoroge.